Tart’s Butt’s Sweeeee Wrong

 [My entry among friends to write a parody of a T.S. Eliot poem: Cf. Prufrock.]

    "Spek, sweete bryd, I noot nat where thou art."

        The Miller's Tale 

 

No, I am not 🎭 Romeo, a 👅 honey-tongued part—

Am🍄smallish in size, one that will do

To spend some coin, buy a 🍸drink, say 🍸 two,

To woo some ♀ gal. "We're," teases she, "just ♀♂ chums."

Bad at being "Show 👸 me some fun" used—

Hm. Hm.¹ 👃 What smells?—  I start: On her cute👗dress 

Pour I compliments: trite first ☹...then 👠 lame ☹...confused ☹....

To her taste, 👓 "Nerdily," I'm clueless—

"💋Bbye," her ♂ chum's brushoff comes. 

I watch porn…I watch porn…

I shall bone a dream girl’s Brazilian-shorn.

Shall I part her tart's li’l butt? Do I dare to rim her 🍑 peach?

I shall smear peach flavored lube since she shall have prepped with Fleet™’s

Enema as 👸 manic, pixie dream girls 👸 teach

A 👓 nerd like me of sex in rom-… 

    🔊 “Sweeeee...”² 💨

        Whoa!

“Sniff in 👃 da funk. Lick round 👅 dat gunk, 🎭 Romeo.” ³

No farts funk up my viewing OnlyFans™.

Parfum de merde 💩 would skunk my nasty plans.

E. coli scares my dare to rim... 

    🔊 “...eeeee….”⁴ 💨

        No!

A romcom 👸 manic, pixie dream girl’s 💨 fart— 

Her Waterloo for my li’l🍆Bonaparte.

¹ James Joyce, Ulysses, 13.1007.

² Ibidem, 18.908.

³ Cf. Joyce, op. cit. 18.1522-32, "[H]e can stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole as he[']s there my brown part [...] I[']ll tighten my bottom well and let out a few smutty words smellrump [sic] or lick my shit...."

⁴ Joyce, op. cit. 18.908.

© 2021, Wilson Varga.  All rights reserved. 

Photo of T.S. Eliot: credit Bettmann 

v10 revised 11/14/2021