[My entry among friends to write a parody of a T.S. Eliot poem: Cf. Prufrock.]
"Spek, sweete bryd, I noot nat where thou art."
The Miller's Tale
No, I am not 🎭 Romeo, a 👅 honey-tongued part—
Am🍄smallish in size, one that will do
To spend some coin, buy a 🍸drink, say 🍸 two,
To woo some ♀ gal. "We're," teases she, "just ♀♂ chums."
Bad at being "Show 👸 me some fun" used—
Hm. Hm.¹ 👃 What smells?— I start: On her cute👗dress
Pour I compliments: trite first ☹...then 👠 lame ☹...confused ☹....
To her taste, 👓 "Nerdily," I'm clueless—
"💋Bbye," her ♂ chum's brushoff comes.
I watch porn…I watch porn…
I shall bone a dream girl’s Brazilian-shorn.
Shall I part her tart's li’l butt? Do I dare to rim her 🍑 peach?
I shall smear peach flavored lube since she shall have prepped with Fleet™’s
Enema as 👸 manic, pixie dream girls 👸 teach
A 👓 nerd like me of sex in rom-…
🔊 “Sweeeee...”² 💨
Whoa!
“Sniff in 👃 da funk. Lick round 👅 dat gunk, 🎭 Romeo.” ³
No farts funk up my viewing OnlyFans™.
Parfum de merde 💩 would skunk my nasty plans.
E. coli scares my dare to rim...
🔊 “...eeeee….”⁴ 💨
No!
A romcom 👸 manic, pixie dream girl’s 💨 fart—
Her Waterloo for my li’l🍆Bonaparte.
¹ James Joyce, Ulysses, 13.1007.
² Ibidem, 18.908.
³ Cf. Joyce, op. cit. 18.1522-32, "[H]e can stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole as he[']s there my brown part [...] I[']ll tighten my bottom well and let out a few smutty words smellrump [sic] or lick my shit...."
⁴ Joyce, op. cit. 18.908.
© 2021, Wilson Varga. All rights reserved.
Photo of T.S. Eliot: credit Bettmann
v10 revised 11/14/2021
